Saturday, June 11, 2011

planning ahead vs staying focused

All of life is full of trade offs.  planning and focus sit on opposite ends of the minds teeter-toter.  Devoting more time and effort to one results in less time and effort for the other.  And somewhere in the middle nothing ever gets done.  I find it allot easier to live in the present.  In fact I think humans are inherently bad at planning ahead.  A problem which is exacerbated by the our culture of instant gratification.

Living in the present results in a focused linear life demanding the most of myself and neglecting almost everything else.  While planning ahead involves dropping everything you are doing and hurling your brain through space and time to organize your future self halfway across the continent.

What I am getting at is the organization of my Fall Semester at the University of Saskatchewan.  It was always my intention to return to my studies in September.  I just haven't done anything about it, and now its crunch time.  I have spent the last week getting super organized, while sacrificing the little things like laundry, vacuuming, my tooth brush and stocking the pantry.  If I'm planning to be a filthy university student I might as well get in the right, err funk.

I have jigsawed together my schedule.  I am able to include all my required courses and I have selected some appropriate electives.  Unfortunately my short list of electives was much more like a long list and some interests will remain on the sidelines.  All that remains is the monumental task of joining a research group for my fourth year honours project.

This task feels both intimidating and perplexing.  I wish I cold say I am at square one, but frankly I don't even know where square one is.  I feel that the largest source of my difficulty is my lack of presence in the department over the past two years.  physically I have simply been absent for the second semester of the last two years.  I am like a man without a face.  I have also had poor conversational presence throughout my academic career.  I do not struggle, and therefore do not badger the professors for assistance.  I am neither the super keener trying to badger the prof for un-needed assistance, nor am I the protege being tapped on the shoulder.  I am just hard working student, with above average intelligence, who is quietly maintaining GpA of 3.72.

This week I have to write some letters, beg, plea, and badger as much as I can.  Yes, I know, I should have been on top of this sooner.  I should have been on top of this over a year ago.  It's just so much easier to live in the present and ignore the future.  Until now.

Training shall be based solely on feel,
while racing shall be guided by sensations and instinct.

Cuylar Conly

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